The Dark Days | Bravado Designs Canada

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The Dark Days

After Skylar's Bris and my c-section incision started healing, things started calming down at home. My husband went back to work and Ben hadn't started kindergarten yet. So I had over a week of all three kids being home with me. My in-laws and mom tried to come over as much as they could to take the kids out. I wasn't healed enough to take all three kids to the park and Sklyar and I just didn't have our rhythm down yet. I was still sore and really just wanted to concentrate on finding that rhythm.

Since exclusive breastfeeding is my goal, I really tried to focus on getting there.

- I tried to nurse as much as possible.
- I drank my favorite nursing tea.
- I avoided caffeine and underwire bras, which I was told could hinder supply.
- I pumped as much as possible.

But it was still tough. Now that Eric was back at work, I had to take on my usual duties, and still take care of my newborn and nurse on demand. I still had blog posts to write, needed to shower and get things done. I felt torn in 65 ways. While I was recovering, I was able to just sit on the couch and nurse. Now it seemed like every time I sat down to nurse Skylar, I had to fix a meal or snacks for Ben and Allegra, change Allegra's diaper or follow Ben to the bathroom to help him. And I was still trying to toilet train Allegra too. It was difficult and I was tired. After Eric came home one night to utter chaos, I decided to make things easier for myself and either ask him to pick up dinner or make it really early in the day. While I did have a little help, it was for maybe 2-3 hours and I didn't get much done while I had the help.

Another problem, every time I nursed, it seemed that Skylar was still hungry. He'd nurse and nurse and then still be crying. I wasn't even sure if he was getting anything. I was doubting myself and wondering if we were going to get this right. I wasn't even trying to get out of the house, we were failing miserably at home and I was stressing. It became really bad between dinner and bedtime when all Skylar wanted to do was nurse and nurse - and still seemed to be hungry. I didn't get to eat dinner (or would eat it while nursing on the couch) and I couldn't help with bedtime. My husband would want me to keep feeding him and frankly, I needed a break. I had given it my all, but at that point of the day, I was tired. That's when I would supplement a little or break out milk I had pumped earlier in the day.

Nighttime was a little better, Skylar would wake up at 1 a.m. and then 4:30 a.m. Since we were co-sleeping, I could nurse him in bed. Frankly, that was my favorite time of the day, nursing him in bed in the early hours. No one demanded my time and I was all Skylar's.

Did we turn a corner? Stay tuned for my next post.