Today is my 31st birthday, happy birthday to me! For my present my husband sent me to a spa for a two-hour rejuvenating treatment that included a footbath, full body exfoliation, full body massage, scalp massage, and facial as well as a manicure/pedicure. I will say, I am a very lucky girl. My husband took Sammy for the day, ran all the errands for the weekend and sent me off to be treated like a queen. This is truly one of the most perfect days.
My life has changed a lot in the past year. For my 30th birthday my husband and I went on a vacation to Seattle and Vancouver. It was likely on that vacation that Sammy came into existence. Now, a year later, Sammy is almost four months old and the most amazing thing in my life. If you had told me a year ago that this I would have a baby by my next birthday I would have been so happy. If you had told me a year ago that this is the kind of mother that I would become I would have laughed in your face.
People say that you have to be very prepared to have a baby, but I don't think you could ever be prepared enough. Becoming a parent is the most natural, terrifying, and fulfilling thing that you can imagine. There is nothing I could have done to prepare myself for the emotional surprise that happened. Before becoing a mom I was a tough, confident woman. I was never gushy around babies. I envisioned myself as a loving but firm mom. I did not at all anticipate that I would have such indescribably strong feelings of attachment toward this child. It sounds so cliché, but its true: I thought I knew what love was before, but it turns out I had no idea. You hear people talking about how they would do anything for their children but I didn't realize that I would literally do anything.
In the past week I have finally been starting to feel good about myself as a mother. I've started seeing my son's personality really blossom. So many of my friends said "things change at three months." Of course, I didn't believe any of them, but it turns out, they were all right. Sammy's sleep is starting to organize. H seems to be developing likes and dislikes. The development that I am happiest about is that his body movements have calmed down. A newborn's body movements are so jerky, they don't really know how to control their limbs, necks and heads. Sammy's head control is so good now that nursing has truly become so much easier. I used to have to contort my arms and myself in an uncomfortable way in order to maintain a position in which Sammy would be happy eating. Now, I can pretty much fall asleep with him across my lap and his head propped on my arm.
The other day I was walking through Central Park and I saw women in three different places nursing their babies. I felt so happy and so proud of these strangers. Upon seeing them a certain part of me felt like the experienced mom looking at these younger, newer moms with whimsy. How is it that I have become the mom that friends are asking for advice? It seems like moments ago I was the one asking the same questions that I'm now answering! As I begin my 31st year I am proud of the partner I am to my husband, the mother I have become to my son, and the woman that I have grown into.