New Year's is always a time of reflection. As with every other New Year it seems a lot easier looking back than it does looking ahead.The past and the present I can deal with, but the future is too scary to contemplate. At the same time, I've never been more excited to see what's next.
I was fortunate enough to have my parents visit earlier this week. There is no one I trust with Sammy quite as much as my own mother. Saba and Safta (Hebrew for grandpa and grandma) came bearing gifts as usual as well as lots of love and support. It was so nice to have my parents in my home showering Sammy with so much love, affection and attention. Of course, my mother made a huge pot of chicken soup, which cured us of our colds and left enough to last us through the rest of cold and flu season. Having my parents around allowed me to relax to sit back and watch for a few days.
It was such a treat seeing Sammy enjoying the love of his Saba and Safta, I can already tell that Sammy will have a special relationship with both of them. One of the best parts of their visit was during Sammy's afternoon snack. Sammy and I were gazing lovingly at each other as he fiddled with my shirt while nursing. My mother was filled with joy watching us, in fact she said, "this is the age you were when I stopped nursing and looking at you now I'm wondering why I did." I have to admit, a certain part of me was hugely validated by her saying that. Thanks Mom.
Without a doubt, the best part of the trip was being able to get out of the house alone. I defrosted breastmilk I had stored in the freezer and had the pump set up ready to go for when I got home. It was really invigorating to have a few hours off, just indulging. I even got hot chocolate. What a lovely morning it was. When I returned home, Sammy was happily napping after having had a bottle of Mama's milk given to him by Safta. As I sat down to pump, sipping the last of my hot chocolate I realized how important it is for me to continue to invest in myself. Yes, I want to be the best mother that I can possibly be for Sammy, but in order to do that I first need to be good to myself.
I find myself looking back at the past year with awe. As the Talking Heads said, "You may ask yourself, 'How did I get here?'" I remember sitting in front of my word processor typing my diary when I was thirteen. And now, eighteen years later I'm sitting with my laptop in an apartment in New York City with my loving husband at my side and my son sleeping in the next room. Looking back on this year makes me feel so warm and happy. So much goodness happened in 2010.
Looking forward I'm so excited to see Sammy grow and learn. I will strive to be the best mother I can be for Sammy, but most importantly, I will commit myself to, uh...well, myself. I will go back to running like I used to before Sammy came along. I will take naps, I will read more, I will eat well balanced meals and indulge regularly. If I want to show Sammy how important Mama is, I have to treat myself as a priority.